booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
