Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
