Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
