if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
