After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize