dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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