I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Less talking, more tequila
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
