He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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