Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Randomize
