Whod you bang
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
