yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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