Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize