I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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