I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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