She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
