You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
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I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
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If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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