My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
