i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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