just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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