i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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