i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
