Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Randomize
