plz talk dirty to me
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
