Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
