i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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