So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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