ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
