She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
