wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
