You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
