So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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