I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
