If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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