Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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