I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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