so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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