Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
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