When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
