Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.

(401): View more from Rhode Island

I don't want you to recite the pledge!

(631): View more from New York

Pledge alligien to america to united states of america

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(631): I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge. (401): I don't want you to recite the pledge! (631): Pledge alligien to america to united states of america http://tfl.nu/s7dx

Replies (20) Good night (3675) Bad night (867)
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(816): View more from Missouri

YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!

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(816): YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!! http://tfl.nu/o3fb

Replies (29) Good night (931) Bad night (4948)
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(503): View more from Oregon

do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?

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(503): do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster? http://tfl.nu/6xmt

Replies (20) Good night (5103) Bad night (1159)
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(317): View more from Indiana

So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?

(1-317): View more from Indiana

Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.

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(317): So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights? (1-317): Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude. http://tfl.nu/pkhp

Replies (16) Good night (943) Bad night (3844)
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.

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(414): I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay. http://tfl.nu/pwts

Replies (214) Good night (12299) Bad night (3548)
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(760): View more from California

she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.

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(760): she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door. http://tfl.nu/tltu

Replies (24) Good night (1844) Bad night (4180)
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(775): View more from Nevada

Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.

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(775): Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/8nek

Replies (11) Good night (2529) Bad night (1745)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.

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(412): He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to. (412): Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali. http://tfl.nu/ulfo

Replies (9) Good night (2323) Bad night (777)
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(907): View more from Alaska

Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.

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(907): Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig. http://tfl.nu/jc5y

Replies (6) Good night (1051) Bad night (964)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister

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(605): You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister http://tfl.nu/xlrp

Replies (13) Good night (673) Bad night (1680)
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(928): View more from Arizona

You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions

(1-928): View more from Arizona

Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.

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(928): You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions (1-928): Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit. http://tfl.nu/mpos

Replies (1) Good night (837) Bad night (351)
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(802): View more from Vermont

Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?

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(802): Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in? http://tfl.nu/o63r

Replies (8) Good night (429) Bad night (1371)
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(707): View more from California

Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.

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(707): Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful. http://tfl.nu/xs64

Replies (2) Good night (488) Bad night (257)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.

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(202): Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm. http://tfl.nu/4htp

Replies (3) Good night (424) Bad night (305)
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(443): View more from Maryland

You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21

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(443): You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21 http://tfl.nu/iggm

Replies (1) Good night (497) Bad night (381)

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