At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
