If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
