Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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