No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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