Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
