that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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