i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
