I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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