if i can run in heels then i can drive
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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