$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
