So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
