Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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