was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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