Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
