Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
