so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
