I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
