Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
