Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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