She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
