why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
