mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
