I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
