i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Randomize
