his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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