yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
