I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be still, my beating vagina.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize