we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
