smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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