Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
