So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
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