I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Randomize
