The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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