i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
