Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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