I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
