Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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