Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
